Speaking of guilt and shame (thanks Caylen) does anyone else struggle with the sudden onset of mother guilt (aka MILT)? I have it. I love my job and I’m good at my job AND I miss my children and know they miss me. I hear people talk about finding a balance. Um, riiigght. If you have found that balance I applaud you and am in awe of you. Seriously.
For me, having a career and children is inherently UNBALANCED. There are not enough hours in the day to love on everybody and thrive in a career. Not to mention the obvious other things that need to be done like laundry, cleaning, shopping, showering… Yes, I feel guilty taking the time to shower because that’s time I should be spending with my children because I was gone all day/week etc. You get the picture here. Well, I DO shower I just feel guilty doing it and my 3 year old makes sure I don’t enjoy it at all because…PLAY WITH ME! He cries for me to hold him in the morning as I rush to get out the door with my coffee intact while gently batting my 1 year olds chubby little hand away because I don’t want to show up with banana on my pants…again.
I explain it to my husband like this: it feels as though I switch a part of my…ME-NESS…off throughout the week and then attempt to switch it back on Friday night to make every second count on the weekend. This does not create balance. This creates a cut off ME at work and a guilty ME at home.
See where guilt and shame and shoulding are getting me? Nowheresville. Focusing on the shame and guilt are having me be less present and more shameful and guilty!! Do you see the madness in this cycle?!
So here is my pledge. I will allow shame and guilt to enter my consciousness (say hi) and usher it out again. Then, I will open myself to the moment. I will take time to kiss little banana hands before I leave. I will begin to change the story around my MILT, one kiss at a time.
Rita. x
The Imperfect Therapist 