SCAR

I read hundreds of suspected child abuse reports. They are called SCAR’s. There are a lot of them. A LOT.

Besides the obvious outrage and disgust here is how they remind me to be present…

I think about the guy in the grocery store who wouldn’t let me use his discount card when I forgot mine, or the lady at the café who was rude to the waitress because her toast wasn’t toasted enough. No one really knows what is going on for someone else. I’m not excusing rude behavior, I’m just suggesting that we can choose our reaction to it grounded in love and understanding rather than anger and justice. Shit gets heavy pretty quickly for a lot of little people. Our brains are wired to believe in the life we are given from a very young age. Re-training that world view when it is full of hate, shame, physical, emotional and sexual abuse takes time and space and love.

We all have ‘triggers’ that we aren’t aware of. Things that remind us of a time or place that has guilt, shame, anger, outrage peace, joy etc…attached. Sometimes the feeling comes over us and we have no idea why. It could be that when your first boyfriend kissed you in the movie theatre instead of joy you felt afraid. Now, when your current boyfriend (who you love) kisses you in the movie theatre you react negatively, he feels rejected, you feel angry, and no one knows what just happened. Imagine if the memory recalled in a feeling was something horrific and your perpetrator was supposed to be a protector. You might be a little snippy too.

We are all in this together. Really. All the joy and all the pain connect us in ways we struggle to understand. I’ll tell you this though, those kids I read about and interact with don’t exist in a vacuum. We all know them whether we are cognizant of it or not. Our collective human Spirit is capable of acknowledging the pain that exists in others. We may not be thanked for it and we may not know exactly what their pain is or where it comes from AND we can reach to our higher self to know that when someone is angry or mean or acting like an ass face it’s because they are afraid, anxious or sad in some way for some reason. Not everyone has trauma in their life story but we all have sadness around something and it’s the same emotion. We have different content in our stories but the process is the same.

I challenge you to be a little softer, give more grace, be more open, love harder and open to the possibility that we create each other.

rita. x